Tuesday, June 28, 2016

my baby girl is learning to fly.....

I remember the moment they put her in my arms for the first time, that feeling - an overwhelming WOOSH of emotion and love.  From that moment on I was hooked, hooked on making sure she learned everything she needed to know to go out into this world and be a caring, responsible, respectful adult. 

Now that that moment is here I want to stop time, reverse it, slow it down! I'm sure my mother felt the same way when her baby girls went off to college (being a twin we both left at the same time - double whammy). 

No one prepares mothers for this moment in time, in fact we are completely unprepared for ALL of those moments in time.  There is no handbook, no rules, no guidelines...just the experience of how our mothers raised us and our inner voice trying to direct us the right thing to do. 

My baby girl is going to experience things without me, learn things from others that I have no control over...have I done enough? have I taught her enough? has she learned the right things?  anyone can learn to ride a bike but to learn to deal with difficult situations and stand up for yourself ...was it enough?  was I enough?

There it is, right there, WAS I ENOUGH....WAS I ENOUGH?




Thursday, June 16, 2016

Celiac Sucks

Lunch today:  my first foray into eating out with Celiac and it kind of sucked.  I know it will get easier as I get used to where I can & can't go and what I can & can't order.  It was my first time asking a million questions of the server, thankfully he was very nice and knew the answers without having to check and told me what my options were without making me feel stupid or ashamed.  (I did that to myself).

Mr. Bento Burgers - they serve teriyaki marinated burgers on a bed of rice - sound delicious right?.  I ended up ordering an avocado salad and side of rice.  Not the savory dish I wanted, but it was okay.

It was not as embarrassing as I thought it would be to ask, but it sure was disappointing to watch my friend A eat the yummy burger/rice meal and know I couldn't.  But there was that moment of pride and "I can do this" as well, this is my new norm whether I want it to be or not.

Then there is my one friend R who when I told her hugged me and said "when we go out for mom's night I'll support you by ordering what you order"....seriously I cried right then and there!  Now that's support! 

I am Celiac


I have Celiac Disease.
I am Celiac.
I am mad.
I am sad.
I am fucking mad.
I am soulfully sad.
I am irritated.
I am scared.

I am thankful.
I am supported.
I am loved.
I have an answer.

Monday I was in shock.
Tuesday I was sad.
Today I am hopeful.

So begins a new journey in my life.

The only treatment for Celiac disease is lifelong adherence to a strict gluten-free diet.  My life has been forever changed.
The thankfulness I feel comes in that there are many more Gluten-Free food options now than in the past.  As well I now have a reason behind the constant fatigue, joint pain and mind fogginess that has plagued me over the last couple of years. 

In my researching Celiac I have found that 1 in 100 people have the disease.  That's a lot of people!  Knowing I am not as alone as I feel is a blessing.

My GI doctor explained the difference between having Celiac (allergy) and being Gluten Intolerant....
Celiac - you cannot eat gluten AT ALL without an allergic reaction with ill affects
Intolerant - you can have a little bit and it won't cause ill affects

Many people have hopped on the Gluten Free bandwagon with amazing results, I just want to point out that for me this was NOT a choice.  So if I run into you and you casually say you're Gluten Free by choice and I seem irritated, bear with me - I'm new to this game and am still running on some bitterness.


Gluten is a general name for the proteins found in wheat (durum, emmer, spelt, farina, farro, KAMUT® khorasan wheat and einkorn), rye, barley and triticale. Gluten helps foods maintain their shape, acting as a glue that holds food together. https://celiac.org/live-gluten-free/glutenfreediet/what-is-gluten/


Celiac disease is an autoimmune disorder that can occur in genetically predisposed people where the ingestion of gluten leads to damage in the small intestine.  https://celiac.org/celiac-disease/what-is-celiac-disease/