the power of words

Imagine a world where the words you speak appear on your skin. 

Would you be more careful of what you say? 

Artist Ronit Bigal.

 The written word provides some sense of anonymity.  I personally find it easier to express my thoughts and feelings in written form than verbally.  When I try to speak, my brain moves faster than my mouth and it all comes out wrong.  I can practice, I can recite, I can use note cards but still it's not as eloquent or professional as when I write.

Words can build someone up or tear someone down.

Words can inspire or deflate.

Words can hurt.

Words can heal.

But you can never take them back, 

there is no delete button, 

no recall email button, no cancel text button.

WORDS ARE POWERFUL

I CHOOSE TO USE THEIR POWER FOR GOOD

we all have that ONE friend.....

I had a work meeting today with someone who is helping my company with our volunteer activity this fall.  I spent over an hour with her and left the meeting feeling refreshed, supported, listened to and genuinely cared about.


I decided this is someone I want to hang out with more often and introduce T (husband) and A & M (children) to.  Someone they can gain positive experiences from knowing!

We were talking about advice (my daughter is 16 and her's is 9) for the mom of a girl, you know - sex, dating....all of it.  She shared advice her mother gave her and it literally moved me to tears.  I hope I get this right:

Everything in life is a phase and every phase will pass.  

If you're in a difficult or sad phase, hang in there because it will pass.  

If you are in a happy, fun phase, enjoy it because it will pass.

How profound an moving, this woman who I don't know and will never have the opportunity to meet (she is no longer with us) touched my heart today.  

Thank you 'big fella for spending time with me an opening your life to me.

Special Day

Yesterday my DD *dear daughter* turned 16....what a special day for her and I wanted to do everything I could to make it extra special.  For the last 8 years we haven't had her home on her birthday, she attended a camp every summer the same week.  Now she's a full blown counselor at that camp and turned 16 the day we picked her up.  The specialness started by bringing 40 cupcakes for the camp counselors & staff to enjoy for her birthday. When we pulled in the driveway from camp she was greeted with a Happy Birthday sign above the garage door. Of course she ran upstairs to "check" on her room - she missed it I guess and opened the door to approximately 275 balloons.......


By far my favorite was the "rock jar"...I asked family and friends to send me a small rock with words of wisdom, advice, memories on it and to sign their name on the back.  Her colorguard coaches, friends, aunts, grandma/grandpa (and even her co-counselors at camp and some of the campers) all sent rocks....she cried as she read them.  Here are photos of the jar and some of the rocks.....

ponder this.....

Doing the "right" thing......

If you could be a "fly on the wall" at your memorial service, what would you hope to hear people say about you, your life, your death?

She was such a loving mother (well were you?)
She gave so much of herself to others she didn't take good enough care of herself (well did you?)
I wish I would've told her more often how much I loved her (why didn't you?)

This brings up another question.....What do you say at a memorial service? 

Sorry for your loss
She was taken from us too soon

It's a tough thing, wanting to say the right thing but not having any idea what that "right thing" is.  Sometimes saying nothing at all is the right thing to say.  Just being there, physically & emotionally. A hug, a smile, a tear or just a shoulder.

The only wrong thing to do is nothing. 
My favorite reason for doing nothing is:  "they don't do funerals"...WHAT THE HELL does that mean?  no one wants to "do" a funeral.  Grow up, man up, get a pair! 

Sometimes doing what is right is the hardest thing to do, but that's what makes it the most important thing to do!

only when you are quiet can you truly hear

Have you ever just stopped in the middle of a task and listened?  I mean REALLY listened?  Try it....what did you hear? 

The longer you listen the more you will hear.  Try doing it at different places with different people, and encourage them to stop and really listen. 

I think everyone should adopt this new version of "stop and smell the roses".  Listen to your children tell you the story of their day, listen to your best friend's advice, listen to your loved ones hug you (yes there is a sound there).  Most importantly listen to your heart, your breathing....listen to your soul, what does it say?

Advice....

Do you ever wonder if the advice you give is good?  Is it helpful or hurtful?  Who am I to be giving advice anyway?


I have an old friend (not old age wise but old in the fact that I've known her for a very very long time - since early grade school in fact).  We were college roommates for a short time, she married someone right out of college and settled down.  At the time I was extremely jealous of her family and her love.  At this point we lost touch.  Meanwhile I went through a few serious relationships that ended in heart break.  As well, I went through many lonely, sad times, however through those times I developed a sense of security and confidence. I learned how to be alone with myself, it wasn't easy, but looking back it was necessary.  I will never again have fear of being alone, either physically and emotionally.

The reason I tell you all this is because this old friend is seeking my advice and I wonder if I am being helpful or hurtful. 

We joke that she is going through now (post divorce) what I went through in college.  The dating scene, the questioning mens motives, their intentions.  I've come to realize that while I (hopefully) am helping her through her rough times and I am also reliving them through her.  I feel the pain she feels, the uncertainty, and the doubt and I think it makes me a better friend and wife.  I love her dearly and I have complete confidence that she will navigate this new path with dignity and compassion, with or without my advice.  I feel extremely  honored that she asks my advice, I truly do and I want to thank her (yes YOU) for being my friend and helping me be the best person I can be!

** approved for publication by "an old friend"