Tuesday, June 28, 2016

my baby girl is learning to fly.....

I remember the moment they put her in my arms for the first time, that feeling - an overwhelming WOOSH of emotion and love.  From that moment on I was hooked, hooked on making sure she learned everything she needed to know to go out into this world and be a caring, responsible, respectful adult. 

Now that that moment is here I want to stop time, reverse it, slow it down! I'm sure my mother felt the same way when her baby girls went off to college (being a twin we both left at the same time - double whammy). 

No one prepares mothers for this moment in time, in fact we are completely unprepared for ALL of those moments in time.  There is no handbook, no rules, no guidelines...just the experience of how our mothers raised us and our inner voice trying to direct us the right thing to do. 

My baby girl is going to experience things without me, learn things from others that I have no control over...have I done enough? have I taught her enough? has she learned the right things?  anyone can learn to ride a bike but to learn to deal with difficult situations and stand up for yourself ...was it enough?  was I enough?

There it is, right there, WAS I ENOUGH....WAS I ENOUGH?

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Celiac Sucks

Lunch today:  my first foray into eating out with Celiac and it kind of sucked.  I know it will get easier as I get used to where I can & can't go and what I can & can't order.  It was my first time asking a million questions of the server, thankfully he was very nice and knew the answers without having to check and told me what my options were without making me feel stupid or ashamed.  (I did that to myself).

Mr. Bento Burgers - they serve teriyaki marinated burgers on a bed of rice - sound delicious right?.  I ended up ordering an avocado salad and side of rice.  Not the savory dish I wanted, but it was okay.

It was not as embarrassing as I thought it would be to ask, but it sure was disappointing to watch my friend A eat the yummy burger/rice meal and know I couldn't.  But there was that moment of pride and "I can do this" as well, this is my new norm whether I want it to be or not.

Then there is my one friend R who when I told her hugged me and said "when we go out for mom's night I'll support you by ordering what you order"....seriously I cried right then and there!  Now that's support! 

I am Celiac

I have Celiac Disease.
I am Celiac.
I am mad.
I am sad.
I am fucking mad.
I am soulfully sad.
I am irritated.
I am scared.

I am thankful.
I am supported.
I am loved.
I have an answer.

Monday I was in shock.
Tuesday I was sad.
Today I am hopeful.

So begins a new journey in my life.

The only treatment for Celiac disease is lifelong adherence to a strict gluten-free diet.  My life has been forever changed.
The thankfulness I feel comes in that there are many more Gluten-Free food options now than in the past.  As well I now have a reason behind the constant fatigue, joint pain and mind fogginess that has plagued me over the last couple of years. 

In my researching Celiac I have found that 1 in 100 people have the disease.  That's a lot of people!  Knowing I am not as alone as I feel is a blessing.

My GI doctor explained the difference between having Celiac (allergy) and being Gluten Intolerant....
Celiac - you cannot eat gluten AT ALL without an allergic reaction with ill affects
Intolerant - you can have a little bit and it won't cause ill affects

Many people have hopped on the Gluten Free bandwagon with amazing results, I just want to point out that for me this was NOT a choice.  So if I run into you and you casually say you're Gluten Free by choice and I seem irritated, bear with me - I'm new to this game and am still running on some bitterness.

Gluten is a general name for the proteins found in wheat (durum, emmer, spelt, farina, farro, KAMUT® khorasan wheat and einkorn), rye, barley and triticale. Gluten helps foods maintain their shape, acting as a glue that holds food together. https://celiac.org/live-gluten-free/glutenfreediet/what-is-gluten/

Celiac disease is an autoimmune disorder that can occur in genetically predisposed people where the ingestion of gluten leads to damage in the small intestine.  https://celiac.org/celiac-disease/what-is-celiac-disease/

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Where did my eyebrows go?

Over the last few years I have transitioned from coloring my hair to not coloring my hair.  To give you an idea of the difference here is a before & after photo.
April 2013
January 2016

I absolutely love the freedom that came from letting my hair "go".  Now I will admit I have the pretty grey hair - not everyone does, but I was blessed by the hair Gods - with special thanks Grandma Beach!!!

 As my daughter (17 years old) likes to point out one of my eyebrows is "half invisible".  And she is right.  Once I stopped coloring my hair I decided I could splurge on getting my eyebrows professional waxed.  While I was talking to Kelly - the wonderful woman at Urban Wax I mentioned my half invisible eyebrow and she offered to tint my eyebrows for free (as a trial).  Well I never looked back!  I don't have to pencil them in, or anything!  And it's amazing how much your eyebrows frame your face!  I haven't had the tinted for a couple months and went in today so I decided to take a before and after photo so you can see the subtle, but powerful difference.


Thursday, January 7, 2016

New Year - New Intention

I absolutely refuse to call it a "resolution", that word has such a negative connotation to it.  If you don't complete it you've failed, if you marginally complete it you've failed, so unless you actually complete it/reach it you have failed!  An intention is flexible, it's alive, it can more easily morph as the year goes along.

My New Year Intention is to increase my Curvy Yoga practice.  I started last July 1 with a private class (with 3 friends) every Wednesday and I absolutely love it.  Our class has grown to 4-8 people on a given Wednesday and even added a Sunday class for awhile. 

I bought the Curvy Yoga DVD's but have yet to crack them open.  What am I afraid of?  I admit it is difficult to find a quiet place with a dvd player to do my practice, but I really need to make it a priority.  I feel more content, more peaceful, more loving and forgiving of myself when I practice and I can only see those feelings growing the more I practice.

Some people tout yoga and brag at how great they are at it - to me those people are not true "Yogi's" they are only doing it to prove to others how good they are. 

Our instructor, Heather, is amazing.  It's all about modifying yoga poses to fit your body type - the boobs and the belly - getting them out of the way to accomplish a pose.  It's all about what body you bring to the mat each time, and believe me each time it's a different one (amazingly)! 

I am stronger and more patient......because I practice yoga!

Friday, May 29, 2015

Reality Television - friend or foe?

Unless you've been living under a rock for the last week, I'm sure you've heard of the child molestation story regarding Josh Duggar - one of the "19 kids and counting" star.

This family publicly touts family morals, christian values and has lobbied for businesses to be allowed to discriminate against patrons based on sexual orientation.  Basically they would have us go back in time and progress.

***statement from Josh Duggar***
"Twelve years ago, as a young teenager I acted inexcusably for which I am extremely sorry and deeply regret. I hurt others, including my family and close friends," Josh Duggar said in a post on Facebook.
"I confessed this to my parents who took several steps to help me address the situation. We spoke with the authorities where I confessed my wrongdoing and my parents arranged for me and those affected by my actions to receive counseling."

***statement from the parents***
Josh Duggar's parents, Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, who are named in the police report, also spoke out Thursday.
"Back 12 years ago our family went through one of the most difficult times of our lives. When Josh was a young teenager, he made some very bad mistakes and we were shocked. We had tried to teach him right from wrong," they said on Facebook.

I'm sorry, did you say Josh made some very bad "mistakes"....that's what you call forcibly fondling several minor females, including his own sisters?  some are calling it nothing more than curiosity but I call BS on that!  A mistake is sending a text to your mom instead of your boyfriend, or grabbing your child's lunch instead of your own as you run out the door in the morning.  Forcibly fondling more than one child on more than one occasion is not a mistake it's horrific!

I have never really watched the show and when I did see an episode I thought "I wonder what skeletons they have in their closet".....now we know.

taken from: http://www.cnn.com/2015/05/21/us/josh-duggar-child-molestation-allegations/

the sad state of affairs in our world

A couple, in a faithful, loving relationship for 50 years - sounds like something to aspire to.  Sadly they had to spend the last 15 years as father & adopted son just so they would have similar rights as a married couple (visitation in medical emergencies). 

When I first saw the title of this new article "father and son dissolve adoption to get married" I was horrified - WHAT?  But along the lines of things are never what they seem, this wasn't either.

I know many man/woman marriages that have ended in divorce, some rather bitter and hateful.  I know many same sex relationships that are healthy, loving and long lasting.  Who are we to tell someone who they can/should fall in love with?  You don't choose who you fall in love with, it just happens! 

Wise up America and realize that there are more important issues to argue about (the state of our failing education system, children who's only meal in a day is the school lunch, homelessness, gang and police violence).